Time to spice things up...

Sweet things are good but I love spicy things too.  One of my favorites is salsa.  Just warning you… once you have homemade salsa there is no going back to store bought.  That being said… proceed with this recipe at your own risk.  J

Let’s start with your grocery list:

• 2 x 28 oz Cans of Crushed Tomatoes
• 1  x 28 oz Can of Whole Tomatoes
• 4 Anaheim Peppers
• 3 Jalapeño Peppers
• 2 White Onions
• 2 Bunches of Fresh Cilantro
• Salt

Start by dumping crushed tomatoes into a BIG bowl.  Next drain the can of whole tomatoes and pulse it in a blender for a few second and add it to the bowl.  You are probably asking yourself why doesn’t she just buy 3 cans of crushed tomatoes.  Don’t feel bad, I often ask myself the same thing.  All I can say is they add a different color/texture and now that I’ve done it my OCD forces me do it every time so… don’t ask just do it.  LOL 

Lay your peppers out on a cookie sheet and put them under the broiler.  You will need to keep an eye on them and keep turning them over to try and brown/blacken them all the way around the peppers.  I use tongs to roll them around.  Once they are nice and colored pull them out of the oven and drop them into the plastic bag they came in.  Wrap the bag up so the steam doesn’t escape and place on the counter.

Now time to chop your onion and add it to the bowl.  You might want to grab some Kleenex before you get to work.  I find the finer you can chop them up the better but that’s just a personal preference.  I tried using a food processor one time because I was feeling lazy but I didn’t like the taste as well it made them to onioney juicy.  Spell check (and I’m sure my English major bestee, Joey) is so hating that word but that’s the best way I can describe it. J  Now at this point if your husband or child walks in, sees you crying and asks what’s wrong… ladies take advantage of this opportunity.  Here are some suggestions “I just love you so much”, “I’m just sad you don’t help with the laundry”, I was just thinking about that new (add item here) I want so bad it hurts.” This usually only works the first few times you make salsa so whatever you say… make it good. J

I’m not going to lie the Cilantro step is really a pain in the butt but it wouldn’t be the same without it so you do what you gotta do.  First cut off the ends of both bunches and rinse well.  Roll it up in a towel and try to get as much of the water off as you can.  You could do this ahead of time and lay it out to dry but I’m never that organized. Now take your cilantro into the living room, get comfortable and put on a good show. Guess what?  You get to take all those little leaves off the stems because the stems are going in the garbage. Here’s a tip… take a stem, pull the bottom two leaves down and off the stem and then pinch off the top ones. Two shows, 36 commercials and one bathroom break later when you are done, back to the kitchen you go. You can either hand chop your cilantro or you can run it through a food processor.  I use the little food processor that attaches to my blender.  When you are done… yep it goes in the bowl too.

Take your peppers out of the bag and put them on a cutting board.  Cut off the top and bottom of each pepper and peel the skins off.  Now you again can either hand chop the peppers or throw them in a food processor.  Side Note:  You do not take the seeds out… the whole pepper minus the ends and skin goes into the bowl. 

Last step…. Stir everything up and then add some salt.  I don’t measure but it’s a good amount maybe about 2 tablespoons?  Add some, mix it up and taste it.  Be careful though because you can always add more but can’t take it away.  You will have lots of salsa.  I usually have enough to fill three containers.  Since it’s fresh it doesn’t last as long as store bought salsa so be sure to eat it up.  I usually make salsa on Sundays and then if there is any left it gets tossed on Saturday. 

“Life's better with butter” but there are times you need to spice things up. Dear Lord thank you for the variety of flavors you put in our life be it food, people, sights or sounds.  You always know just what we need and when we need it.   

 

No strings attached...

A year or so ago I gave my testimony at church.  It was the scariest moment of my life but at the same time it was the most freeing.  I have always tried to be open and honest with my children as well as my friends and family but up until this point they only knew bits and pieces of my past.  What would happen when I told them everything?  Would they be embarrassed by me?  Would they judge me?  I didn’t know the answer but God put it in my heart that this was what I was supposed to do and for once I listened and obeyed. This is my story:

The youth of our church have been heavy on my heart… the teen girls in particular.  The teenage years are hard and I’ve been struggling with not knowing how I can help guide these girls or what I should do and then it simply came to me….  God said tell them your story.

My parents divorced when I was 2 or 3.  I’m not really sure because I have no memories of my parents as a couple.  My mom remarried a few years later and had a baby so there were three girls in my family…. me, my older sister and my baby sister Ann.  Ann was born with brain tumors, some of them inoperable.  They gave her cobalt treatments and only a life expectancy of about 2 or 3 years.  As if things couldn’t get any worse… they did.  Ann was kidnapped by her baby sitter.  She left a note saying she was going to take her to a place where there was no pain.  My parents feared the worse but by God’s grace Ann was found safe and sound a couple days later in California. This was a sad and confusing time in my life.  I know it sounds selfish considering everything my Mom and the rest of my family was going thru, but the truth is I felt abandoned, alone and scared.  This is when the seed of “I am unlovable” was first planted. 

Growing up I had lots of step moms.  My Dad was an alcoholic and fell into some weird habit of getting divorced about every 4 years.  While I wasn’t close with him during this time, I have to admit I fell in love with each one of his wives.  They became my Mom and that’s where I found the love I was desperately missing at home.  Each time my Dad got divorced my “replacement Mom”, the one I loved and needed, was ripped from my life.  As an adult I understand how it would be hard to continue a relationship with the child of a Man that had emotionally hurt them, but as a child I thought if I had been prettier or smarter or somehow special they wouldn’t have left me.  Each time it happened, it was just more proof that I was indeed “unlovable” and it was during these years that seed flourished.   

By the time I got to High School, I was a needy girl with low self-esteem.  To make matters worse I had a huge growing spurt my freshman year and went from being below average height to above average.  I wasn’t fat but because I was taller and bigger than all my friends I thought I was huge and huge to me meant fat.  I hated myself; I hated the way I looked… I wanted to be someone else, anyone other than myself.  I was 15 when I first started drinking.  I was hooked immediately.  The more I drank the better I felt about myself.  The problem was it was only temporary and the next day I would actually sink lower than I had been the day before.  This was the start of a downward spiral.  My “unlovable” seed had grown so big the need to be loved; feel loved was all I wanted.

I lost my virginity when I was 16 to a boy who claimed to love me.  I thought  we were going to be together forever.  By the time I was 17 “forever” was over and my heart was shattered.  After that, the fact I was “unlovable” was deeply embedded in my soul.  At this point my self worth was so low I didn’t care any more, I had sex with whomever.  It could be a boyfriend or it could be a one night stand it didn’t much matter.  All I knew was it was during those few minutes in that boy’s arms I felt loved.  Intellectually I knew it wasn’t love but that is how desperate I had become.

After high school my addiction to alcohol grew and eventually expanded to include drugs.  About 15 years ago I read an article in Dear Abby and it went something like this “if alcohol is affecting your life, work, marriage and/or family than you are an alcoholic”.  Before I read that I was struggling with my drinking.  I knew I had a problem, but I didn’t think I was an alcoholic.  An alcoholic was something that my Dad was… drinking everyday.  I mostly only drank on the weekends.  But when I drank I couldn’t stop, I didn’t care what I did and I didn’t care where I ended up all I cared about was getting drunk and silencing that voice in the back of my head that kept saying you are unlovable, you are defective, you are worthless.  So there it was in black in white…. I was an alcoholic.  Alcohol was affecting every aspect of my life and there was no denying it.  I quit that day, and I’m been clean and sober since.  Shortly after that I started going to church and yes, my life got better.  I actually started to believe God loved me…. but it was more in a general sort of way. 

Not much later, I attended a Women’s Retreat with my sister.  I have to say it was definitely a life changing event for me.  I was in awe of the women at the retreat.  They seemed so connected to God.  I wanted to be like that but I didn’t know how.  One woman stood up and just opened her bible and started reading.  It fit perfectly with what we were discussing and she said God had just taken her to that page.  Was it true… I wasn’t sure and I was definitely skeptical but if it could happen to her is it possible it could happen to me?   

One night, I was sitting at home looking at the bible my sister had given me years before which I had never opened.  I said “Lord, I want you to show me a sign that somehow out of all these people on Earth you can see and hear just me.”  I opened my bible and started reading.  It was Leviticus.  I have to admit I thought about shutting the book and trying again because I had never even heard of Leviticus.  But, I didn’t and  I read it and I thought alright if I really stretch I can see how this could pertain to my life but it certainly wasn’t the proof I was looking for. I went to church Sunday morning and when the Pastor started reading out of the bible, tears streamed down my face.  Not only was he reading Leviticus but it was the same chapter and verses I had read the night before.  As I sat there in my pew that morning, I knew without any doubt God had heard me and answered my prayer. That was the day my personal relationship with Christ began.  Now, I’m not saying my life has been perfect since then nor am I saying I don’t still struggle with low self esteem and feelings of being unlovable.  What I do know is those thoughts are not put there by God but in fact I’m sure they are put there my Satin.  Most likely hoping they will lead me to that first drink… the first drink that I know would send my world once again spiraling out of control.

Why am I telling you my story?  Because… my heart aches for anyone out there that may feel unloved or worse yet unlovable.  The truth is you are loved.  No matter what you’ve done or what you are doing, where you’ve been or where you are going, what you look like or what you don’t look like… God loves you.  He loves you unconditionally with no strings attached.  There are a lot of things I’ve done that I’m not proud of.  I felt bad and dirty and undeserving of God’ love for a long time but the peace came when I not only knew but I BELIEVED that God loves me and the wonderful thing is God loves all of us even when we don’t love ourselves.  As a friend quoted from the Bible “God takes our sins and throws them as far as the East is to the West.”  Amazingly… God not only forgives us of our sins but He also chooses to forget them. 

As a congregation, I’d like to leave you with this.  Everyone here is part of this church family no matter if it’s your first time coming here or if you attend regularly. Together, we are one family with many mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, daughters and sons.  I urge you to reach out to those whose own blood relatives might have let them down… be there for them.  Let them know they are loved and that they are lovable not only by God but by you.  Tell someone they’re important; send someone a little card that says they matter, give someone a smile.  It doesn’t have to be something big, just let someone know you care.  We aren’t perfect even under the best circumstances.  Because of this, we are going to let people down just like people have let us down but our goal should be to strive each day to lift each other up in the Glory of our God Jesus Christ. 

After sharing my story… it was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders.  The shame I had carried around for so many years was instantly released.  There’s a saying “the truth will set you free”… I for one believe it.  Lord, thank you for your unconditional, no strings attached love.  You encouraged me to tell my story in hopes of helping others knowing the whole time you were also helping me. 

 

Lovin' on my Life Group

It’s great to be part of a church but what is even great is being part of a small group.  A place where people can connect with others to experience “community” for building relationships, accountability and spiritual growth which is essential for life changes.  We call these small-group opportunities… Life Groups.  I am fortunate enough to belong to an amazing Life Group who gets together every Tuesday night.  While it’s one crazy, diverse group of people we have collectively decided that whichever path our lives may take, we will always be there for one another so we don’t have to go it alone. 

We typically start our night out with a shared meal.  This meal is usually planned mid morning the day of.  It starts with someone saying Life Group tonight what’s for dinner?  Then some emails go back and forth… I’m bringing this, we are bringing that and somehow a great meal is put together in a relatively short time.  Dinner starts at 6 sharp which means we all start rolling in around 6:30.  By 7:30 we are all on the couches completely full and ready to explode.  Once the food settles down… the discussion begins.  Now you are probably thinking we stick pretty close to the Bible.  Truth is God is very patient with us.  While we do talk about chapters in the Bible, Christian based books, current church sermons etc… it’s not uncommon for us to get off topic to let’s say….  Boxers or briefs?  Can you put a plastic glove over your head and blow it up so you look like a chicken?

 You know every day livin’ type topics.  By the way did you know… most guys pee in the shower?  Had it not been for Life Group I would not have known that nor would I have been able to pass on this tip:  It’s a good idea to get out the cleaning supplies before you fill the tub next time you’re in the mood for a bath.  J

Anyways… the point of this blog it to let you know that Life Groups do not need to be all serious, unless of course that is the way you prefer it.  For my group we are kind of… here we are Lord you made us, you know us and thank goodness you accept us just as we are.  If you are not involved in a Life Group, I would highly encourage it.  There is a lot of comfort knowing that whatever I’m going through may it be good times or bad, I have a family of friends who will always be there for me. "Life’s better with butter" and a little side of Life Group too.  Thank you Lord for my Life Group and the sense of belonging.  I feel blessed you have allowed me to connect to a biblical community where no on stands alone. 

High School Homecoming

High school... that word conjures up all kinds of memories for me.  Some good, some bad but truth be told if I was offered a re-do I would have to pass.  Some may say instead I have chosen to live vicariously through my daughter.  Is that wrong?  I don't know but what I do know is the blessings I have received being involved in her life are immeasurable. 

McKenzie is a junior in High School and this is her second year of being on the cheer squad.  Amazingly enough when I went to the first cheer booster club... I came out the President.  Call me crazy but even though it’s actually a lot of work I totally love doing it.  I've gotten to really know the girls on the team as well as the coaches and I have to say I love each and every one of them.

This past week was homecoming and what a week it was.  Besides cheer there is also a 28 member dance team at the School.  I like to make treats during homecoming for our girls to give to them just because that’s how I am. This year I decided on chocolate dipped pretzels.  I googled around and thought it looked easy enough so on Wednesday I went to work on them.  Why oh why just once couldn’t it look as good as the ones on the internet?  There were pretzels pictured with crushed M&M's and they looked amazing.  Mine... not so much and I use the term "not so much" loosely.  Could it be because I beat the heck out of mine with a rolling pin? How else was I suppose to crush them?  It didn't give directions for that part... of course not that would be too easy.  Is it just me or do you think they leave out a key part of instructions just to mess with us? I switched to chocolate with sprinkles and chocolate with drizzled white chocolate and finally managed to make something presentable.  Thursday, I put them in bags with ribbon and tags. Whenever I do something like this, I always add some kind of cute quote on the tag to make it special. Here's how they turned out.

Next was treats for my cheer girlies.  If you haven’t been to Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory you are missing out.  Besides everything else… they have the most amazing caramel apple.  The last two years I have placed an order for 20 of them.  Of course they also had to have ribbon and tags added but no big deal that’s easy.  Easy yes… fast no.  Who would have thought it would take so long to attach ribbon and tags to pretzels and apples.  I was up until after midnight.  For those of you who don’t know I’m usually in bed by 9, sometimes 8, possibly 7 and maybe a time or two 6.  Oh well they were worth it… here they are.

So… you thought I was done right?  Nope I had to get up at the crack of dawn on Friday to make cupcakes for the clam chowder fundraiser at the school before the big game.  Luckily I can pretty much make cupcakes in my sleep because that’s exactly what I did. 

Since I was to tired at this point to decide between lemon or chocolate… I made both.  J

Did I happen to mention we were not only having a Clam Chowder Feed Fundraiser before the game but I was in charge of it?  That my friend is a blog in itself. I'm not posting any pictures because that is definately not the highlight of my week.   Let's just say it ended up fine but had it not been for the other great parents helping, I would have resigned  as  President, ran home and cried. 

We won the football game on Friday night and Saturday was the big homecoming dance.  I had two hair appointments... my niece and my daughter.  I think I spent a total of 3 hours curling and 3 cans of hairspray.  They are both beautiful girls but I have to say their hair turned out equally beautiful.  I don't have a picture of Delaney but here's Kenzie's group.

Sunday....was there a Sunday?  If so I slept right through it.  It was a great week but it was equally great that it was over.  :)  "Life's better with butter" but sometimes you need to add lots and lots of caffeine.  Dear Lord thank you for the opportunities to use my gift of hospitality.  I hope my recipients see a little of you in everything I do. 

Sometimes even butter doesn't make it better...

What I've learned this week is that there is no pain greater than watching your child suffer.  My son's first love and girlfriend of 3 years broke up with him last Friday.  The breakup was made even more tramatic by the circumstances that surrounded it.  I won't go in to detail, but let's just say  in one day he went from being on top of the world to losing all that was dear to him. There was nothing I could do except to remind him how much I loved him and to promise that one day he would be happy again.  It has definately been the hardest week of my life and unfortunately even butter couldn't make it better.  I've never felt so helpless and I knew there was no way I could handle this on my own so I turned immediately to God.  I literally fell to my knees and begged him to help Logan as well as me through this difficult time... it wasn't just once it was every day and sometimes every hour.  My family and friends have also been an amazing source of love, strength and support.  My son is still fragile but he is getting better and stronger each day.  Logan will be happy again and I have faith something good will come of something that was so bad.

This week in church, I've been asked to read the following scripture.  It never ceases to amaze me that God's words are not only perfect but they also perfectly timed. 

Lamentations 3:19-26
New Living Translations

The thought of my suffering and homelessness
is bitter beyond words.
I will never forget this awful time,
as I grieve over my loss.
Yet I still dare to hope
when I remember this:

The faithful over of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!"

The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
to those who search for him.
So it is good to wait quietly
for salvation from the Lord.

Dear Lord thank you for giving us hope when our life seems hopeless.  Without you we would have nothing but with you we have everything. 

Butter, Neighbors and Steak... Oh Yeah!

My family is blessed in so many ways... one being the best neighbors in the whole wide world.  Kenzie's car had a belt going out so Randy our neighbor who lives across the street offered to fix it for her (us).  While replacing the belt he found the water pump was going out too so he fixed that as well.  He has a big project going on at his house right now and the fact that he dropped everything to help us out means more to me than I can ever say.  What if everyone was like Randy... what if I was more like Randy...  What a wonderful world this would be if we not only went out of our way to help others but we did it with a happy heart. 

We wanted to give Randy a small gift for his hard work.  After some thought... we decided on a package of good steaks.  Everyone deserves a nice juicy steak once in a while especially Randy.  I hope he enjoys it. :)

I should share my good friend Joel's trick for barbequing an awesome steak.  It starts with a good cut of beef like T-Bone or Ribeye, put your seasoning on and throw it on the grill.   Here's the trick...  when there is about 5 minutes left you put butter pats all over the steak and finish cooking.  Oh yeah... "life's better with butter" and great neighbors and a good steak.  Dear Lord thank you so much for blessing us with Randy, Kelly, Amanda, Alexa and Hunter as neighbors.  Please help me to be more like Randy, willing to help others without expecting anything in return. 

It wasn't my fault...

Firm, fair and consistent... three words I try to live by.  If I’m going to ground myself from a week of baking I need to stick to it.  Problem is I didn’t give myself any consequences like if I bake… I will have to go buy some new clothes or if I bake… I will have to get a pedicure.  You know… something that happens if you don’t do what you’re suppose to do only with adults I think it’s fair to have it be a good thing.  We’ve already learned all our lessons so it’s not like we need to drive that point home.  Back to the whole baking thing… I’m ashamed to say I only made it until Tuesday.  It really wasn’t my fault.  I couldn’t just let that frosting sit in my fridge and when Kenzie asked me to make cupcakes for cheer homecoming practice how could I say no.  Then of course I had to bake a cake for my decorating class.  It’s not like I could buy one.  By that point I’d already blown it so I just decided to throw in the towel or should I say apron.  You know what "life's definitely better with butter" if I do say so myself… also with new clothes and a pedicure. J  Dear Lord thank you for the grace you show me when I don’t obey even my own commands please help me to be better in obeying yours.   

Go figure... pun intended!

When you have gastric bypass surgery and your body can't tolerate sugar what do you do... start baking of course and that's exactly what I did.  All my life I've suffered with a weight problem.  I think it actually started with a distorted body image and then eventually my body morphed into what I had always envisioned it to be. Last June I was at my highest weight ever.  I was physically unhealthy but more importantly I was mentally unhealthy.  I honestly felt like I was teetering on the edge of a big black hole and every bite of food pushed me closer and closer to going over the edge. The more I wanted to quit the more I ate... it was a vicious cycle. I have no doubt that if I had not had the surgery on July 1st of 2009 I would not be here today and for this second chance at life I am eternally grateful. I started baking as a way to fill the time that I had previously used for eatting.  It is a safe hobby  for me because even though I would love to sample everything I make, eatting sweets makes me nauseas so it's just not worth it.  I love love love to bake for my family, friends, neighbors etc.  People often ask me if I'm going to turn baking into a business but to be honest the smile I get when I drop off my treats is the best payment I could ever ask for.  I  like to think my baking is a way to show people they are loved and that "life's better with butter".  Thank you Lord for the gift of life and for my friends and family who have supported me through thick and thin but more importantly didn't give up on me when at times I had given up on myself... I am very blessed.

July 2009 - the day before surgery

July 2010 - looking Butter :) but not quite there 

Sunday Night Dinners

This is my first post on my  new blog site.  A huge thank you to my bestest friend, Joey for setting it up for me.  She means more to me than she could ever know.  More on that later..  my first blog is dedicated to Sunday dinners.  Between Kevin and I we have 4 children.  Chris is 25, Logan is 21, Nick is 21 and McKenzie is 16.  We don't have a lot of sit down dinners but all the kids are expected to come home for Sunday dinner unless they have a good excuse.  Tonight we are having spaghetti.  My brother-in-law turned me on to the trick for good sauce...half hamburger, half spicy ground sausage and a can of chopped olives. Most of my kids don't like olives but what they don't know can't hurt them so shhhh it'll be our little secret.  Now on to the butter... technically mayo is not butter but it's pretty darn close in my opinion.  With spaghetti we always have cheesey bread it's ooey, gooey and probably one of the most fattening things on earth.  What can I say "life's better with butter" or in this case mayo.  You've got to try this recipe... after you make it once your family and friends will literally beg for it.  In a bowl mix mayo, shredded cheese and oregano.  I don't measure so just dump it in until it looks good not to much mayo but not to dry. ( I'm guessing maybe a cup and 1/2 of mayo and 3 cups of cheese.)  Spread it on your french bread pretty heavily... don't skimp.  Bake it in the oven on 350 for about 20 minutes or so until it's nice and bubbly.   Sunday nights are pretty crazy around this house. The kids come in like a whirlwind  and when they leave it looks like a tornado hit but between you and me I wouldn't have it any other way.  Thank you Lord for these beautiful children and the fact they want to come back home for dinner.  ps... if you could give them the desire to help with dishes that would be good too.  :)

Introducing...

My BFF Karrie is one of the most kind-hearted and inspirational people you will meet.  An amazing story of faith, fight and frosting; she is sure to bring not only deliciously delightful baked goods to her blog, but also amusingly affecting anecdotes.